Wednesday, February 2, 2011

At night....

*

..I have been doing very little sleeping for the last couple of months. Not able to work out what it was- I started drinking decaffeinated (just writing it hurts!) coffee, swim allot, go for long walks, read volume after volume of books... in short I simply could not explain it. Well, yes I tend to find sleeping difficult get insomnia quite often... but I never had it for so long. For two months I never slept more than a maximum of 3 hours per night. Trust me I wasn't the only person around here feeling it!
Then a friend asked me if my privat or professional life was troubled. I had to think on that, no was the answer- I also didn't feel like my life was at a high. So not more or less than average... so I sat there the other night thinking on it.
I realised that me is not really important at the moment. Many of my friends are going through terrible difficulties. Several of them lost one or even both parents in the last couple of months. Several have seperated. And others having devastating financial difficulties.
So I try to be a good friend; to give good counsel, to be patient and generous, to support where I am able to, with my clumsy words give ease, to let them know that I am there for them and I do as much as I can to help them... but I question myself if I am a good enough friend, if I have done enough - is there anything else I could do. Seeing their sorrows is difficult, seeing their pain and not being able to do much even more so. I know I can not even imagine what they feeling and how much it hurts them...
So every night I sit on my balcony watching the stars come and go, the night darkness throw a blanket over the Cape and the dawn lifting it again. Try to center myself, strenghten my soul for the coming day, slowly rubbing off the sorrow and despair that clutches my heart...
the stillness of the deep night has become a soothing friend, its hidden beauty more and more the subject of my photography...
And in the morning after a little sleep I can brave the world and try to be a good friend to those dear to me who have been tested to greatly...

- I guess sleeping is overrated after all.

9 comments:

painted fish studio said...

you sound like you are being a wonderful friend to those that need you, but you need your sleep! i hope sleep finds you soon.

cindy said...

i agree with jen and think the stress & strain experienced by your friends weighs heavily on your heart and mind. you might not even realize it. i hope you will find your peaceful nights. they are really important.

i've had trouble with insomnia and take chamomile capsules before bedtime. they're not a cure all my any means, but have helped me. xo, c

Theresa said...

Sounds to me like you are being a great friend. Hope you get some rest soon.

Hannah said...

I've reccently had trouble sleeping to, and honestly i can think of nothing worse than not being able to sleep!
Any kind of sress is a really big factor, and i tnd to ignore problems, (like just not think about whatever it is because its upsetting) But once i started confronting my problems i started sleeping much better !
Hope you start sleeping well too!

le blÖg d'Ötli said...

A bad friend never question herself if she is a good enough friend ;)
I hope you'll have a long and peaceful night soon.

Design Elements said...

i agree with the last comment. lovely greetings

layers said...

I am sorry to read about your sleep problems- and perhaps underlying sadness? but watching the dawn come hints at a new day's promise.

sarah said...

What an amazing, beautiful photo!
The best advice my mum gave me was that "it doesn't matter if you are sleeping or not, as long as you are giving your body the chance to lay down and relax quietly". Now I look back, I'm not sure it is entirely true advice, but it lifted the burden of me thinking I actually needed to be asleep and what followed, was more sleep!
Also, my sister is a nurse, and she says that your body is its own amazing sleep monitor and if it thinks you need more, it will make sure you get more (assuming you don't have a more serious sleep problem)
:)

mecamo said...

Hello,
I just stranded here and got an eye on this post. Well, I have sleeping "problems", too. It already started around may 2009. Well, I guess I would be the wrong person to give good advice, hehe...But for sure emotional stress is poison for a healthy sleep. Hope you'll find soon a solution...greetinxxx mel

LinkWithin

Blog Widget by LinkWithin